Feeling better?

I thought I would feel better after a good night's sleep but, I don't.
I'm not really angry, it's more like I feel empty.
I'm probably not right about this but, I feel like the also ran.
I'm never the reckless one, the desired one. I feel like a good cry might help
but, I never seem to be able to cry, must be a butch thing(lol).

I can't help but, feel that she's right it's her life, her prerogative.
Where am I in all this?
I don't think it's about love I think it's about pride.
Pride sucks it keeps you lonely. Nobody warms your bed at night when you have pride.

Maybe I could have grown to love her and maybe, she could have become the one.
As it is now she never will and I may have blown a friendship by attaching too much
importance to something that was budding. I nipped it in the bud, or rather she did
that may turn out to be for the best.

I thought she might be the one

I thought she might be the one.
I'll admit it was naive on my part, but, I actually thought she might be it.
I've been unlucky at love for a long time.

When you've been alone for a while you start to think you have some sort of a fatal
flaw. Toxic, unlovable who the bleep knows. Then you meet someone who is so different
from every life experience you've ever had.

You think to yourself she's attractive and she seems to be in to me and you try to
go with it but, you blow it because you always blow it. You over think, you over analyse that's the story of your life. You can't be free. Why can't you just let go?
Instead of throwing her up against a wall and kissing her 'til she gasps you say, no
she's drunk, she's involved she'll regret it. Isn't that her decision to make?
So, instead some twenty year old makes her move and you're stuck looking for a lost purse. You feel like shit, you feel pathetic.

Well enough of this

the change starts now.
I'm going out there and find me a woman


this butch seeks love.